Why He is Still My Baby!

In my family everyone has had children fairly young, but no one has had kids as close in age as I have. My son and daughter are 18 months apart. I purposefully wanted my kids close in age, so after having my son it was basically agreed between my husband and I that we wanted another and quickly. My siblings are four and ten years apart from me. I hated the age gap and always wished we were closer. While yes, I have fond memories growing up with my siblings I primarily remember how little time we spent together because we were so far apart we had different interest. Who knows, my kids could be close in age and not even be as close as I want them too, but that’s okay. I feel and hear a lot about how I didn’t let Zander be a baby or I did not get to enjoy him. I’m made to feel guilty because I had another baby so quickly. Even now, we are tip toeing around baby #3 and everyone feels we need to wait to enjoy the kids we have now. This post is to remind everyone he will and always will be my baby. More importantly, we will always enjoy our children no matter what age or stage or how many we end up having.

The transition from one child to two can be scary. You wonder if you’ll be able to give as much love, as much attention, as much patience (even if you are already wearing thin). Maybe it was the pregnancy hormones but I was worried about bringing a sibling to the world for my son. Now that I’ve had my daughter, Zaina, all those worries are gone. I have more love to give, I’ve learned to spread myself, and all of their needs are met. I did enjoy Zander as a baby, and now I enjoy him as a toddler. I get to watch him and his sister grow and develop every day. To me, the best part is I get to watch my infant son transition into this big brother. He may poke his sister in the head every five minutes, but he also kisses her just as much. His character is developing faster than I could have ever prepared for, but I still see that little baby boy who came into the world with his arms wide open.

Sometimes I am tired, some days I am exhausted but now knowing how fast the “baby” stage goes I take it in even more. For a moment I may lose my patience with Zander, he is definitely in the terrible twos, but then I remind myself he is still my baby. He still does not know how to regulate his emotions, control all his energy, or get his words out every time. He needs me and I need him, more than he will ever know. I often think back to the book Love You Forever, because I can picture myself rocking my son even when he is too big for my arms.

Hold your babies, they will in fact out grow you lap. Take the time to wipe their tears, they may not cry to you later on. Nourish them, because you won’t always be their source of nutrition. Take a moment to smell their little heads, because that smell will fade. There are so many small moments and memories I hold onto because both of my babies are growing so incredibly fast. It’s so bittersweet at the ends of each night, because my babies are just getting bigger and more independent every day. Before you become a parent everyone tells you it’s an unexplainable love. They aren’t lying it is a love that is earth shattering, because it changes your world. It’s crazy and truly indescribable, but I sit here and I think about the moment I met both Zander and Zaina and that is how I will always remember them.