Why Baby Mommas & Boundaries Go Together

With social media the world is now filled with various ideas of how and what things should be like. I found this to be true with the viral post about blended families being all in harmony. You’ve seen it, right? The post of both families at the child’s baseball game with the matching shirts or something along that context. These ideas originally gave me the false narrative of how my blended family would be. Since I have a stepdaughter for whatever reason there are two big events I considered being a part of in her life. Those events were prom and her wedding, and then I thought how awkward it would be to probably have to be beside her mom for all of that. Initially this made want to get rid of the tension and have some type of relationship with my husband’s ex. I never really considered that maybe she would not want a relationship with me.

This post is for me to let you know that blended families are not always in harmony, but they are always fluid. I’ve learned that the relationship with my husband’s ex is always changing, sometimes that is for the better and sometimes it’s for the worse. In the beginning I felt this pressure to have some sort of friendship with her, but now I have realized that does not have to be the case. Every blended family has a different situation and things can change over time. For both the stepmother and biological mother there has to be boundaries on both sides for the relationship to work.

Initially, you have to figure out what your boundaries are on. Unfortunately if you are like me, you learn this the hard way and that is by boundaries getting crossed. There are times where I am triggered and I have to speak to my husband about it, so we can make changes moving forward. The key here is to communicate and let your partner know how you feel, so these certain things do not happen over and over. When we were first together I would have an emotional reactions and I’d get so upset about certain things. I’ve since realized that I have to process my feelings and then express them to my husband, because he is then able to work it through with me if I’m not just blowing up.

Figuring out my own boundaries has been easier than understanding boundaries from the other side. I’ve really had to work and I’m still working on not taking things so personally. Recently, I was told I did not need to communicate with my stepdaughter’s mom in regard to my stepdaughter. That was really hard for me to swallow. I am such an advocate for communication I was not sure how to move forward with my own communication being limited. I’m actively working and trying to change my perspective to understand this must be a boundary for my husband’s ex. This relationship is fluid like I said, and so boundaries can change on both sides depending on situations or emotions at the time. Boundaries go together with baby mommas, but that goes for both stepmoms and biological moms. The cold hard truth is that my husband’s ex is not going away, and our relationship may not always be clear which is why we both need boundaries.

At the end of the day the most important thing I’ve learned is to make decisions based on what is best for my family but also does not cost me my peace. You have to figure out what works for your family dynamic because coparenting is not a one size fits all approach. Boundaries are needed in all relationships, not just the coparenting life and all relationships take work. Don’t worry about the background noice and try to focus on the fact that all parents, step, adopted, biological, are just trying to raise good humans. If your coparenting relationship is not where you want it to be you can try to do your part to get it there, but you cannot control others. I’m trying my best to balance all this out for myself, so thank you all for joining my journey. I hope you gathered from this that boundaries are a form of self-care and in order to show up the best way we can we all have to take the time to take care of ourselves.

GIVEAWAY WINNERS!

If you are on my Facebook page we did a little giveaway to thank all of my new readers! Giveaway winners are listed below!

Sierra’s Strawberries Winner- Monica Valdez!

Breakfast Charcuterie Board- Giovanna Flores!

Thanks everyone for entering, there will be more giveaways in the future and I can’t wait to bring you all along!