Why Stepmom is My New Favorite Word

It all started with Cinderella right, the wicked stepmom idea. For most, stepmoms are evil or drama, or maybe a mixture of the two. I’m sure a lot of people formed their ideas about me when I joined the stepmom club. There are all these invisible boundaries and rules that stepmoms are supposed to stay in or follow. I have to admit, I’m very proactive and some may even find me overbearing so boundaries to me are extremely unclear. It’s almost as if being a stepmom is a double edged sword. Damned if you do and damned if you don’t. How dare I be at the class parties, screaming loud at her games, but if I didn’t it would suggest I did not care. At the end of the day all I can do is try my best, and that is what I will continue to do. I want my stepdaughter to know that I showed up for her just as I do for my own kids.

I am a stepmom now, but I’m not wicked. I have a love/hate relationship with this new role in my life but I’ve completely had to reframe my mindset to adjust. Initially, I did not want my stepdaughter to call me stepmom. That word had such a negative connotation in my mind, and I hated introducing myself in that manner. I tried to rebrand myself as her Bonus Mom, and while I am a bonus in her life that word did not really mesh with me either. So, back to stepmom it is. How could I turn this word that I hated into something that defines a part of my life? Well the word step itself is a very active word. Yanno, taking a step at a time or something cliche like that. As a stepmom, I can step forward, step back, step to the side or any direction I choose. For the majority, I do step up and I do whatever is needed for my stepdaughter. In the midst of a custody battle or situations I want to diverge from I am able to step back and hand my husband the reigns. No matter what though, I’m taking steps. I’ve realized I have to move in the directions that are best for my family. At times a step may be a huge leap forward or maybe I move in place.

My stepdaughter actually calls me by my name for the most part. She occasionally has a “mom” slip up, and she’ll watch for my response. I am whatever she needs me to be depending on the day. At this point she can call me whatever she wants, but at the end of the day I am her stepmom and despite what direction of steps I take I will be here for her.