Why I Had To Grow To Love My Stepdaughter!

My stepdaughter turns ten today, the big double digits! While we have been preparing for the day it has really made me reflect on the past five years she has been in my life.

I was barely entering my twenties when I made the commitment to be with my now husband, but at that same time I was making a commitment to my stepdaughter. I didn’t know what my role in her life would be at the time, but I knew I would always be there for her.

I carried my own children for nine months, felt their kicks, and then literally brought them into the world. The moment I looked at them I knew a love I had never known. I got to watch my babies grow from newborns to toddlers now. I didn’t get that with my stepdaughter, and while I only missed out on five years it really seems like a lifetime. When I met my stepdaughter she was so little and I never had to try a form a relationship with a child so young before. I knew she liked Trolls, and baby dolls, she only ever really wanted to eat macaroni, but I did not really know her. I didn’t have that birth moment where I saw my stepdaughter and knew love, but neither did she. It shouldn’t be the expectation that a stepmother automatically loves her stepchildren, just as stepchildren are not held to a standard to instantly love their stepparent.

I do love my stepdaughter, and I love her because we built a relationship organically. I learned her interest, fears, and dreams just as she learned mine. I missed out on certain milestones but we then created memories together. I’ve always been the one to push her a little more than she was ever comfortable with. She would cling to Martin in a swimming pool, but with me she would free herself and try to swim. She wouldn’t dare get on a roller coaster, but then with me she did. It’s funny because now there are times she reminds me so much of myself. The pressure of forcing a stepparent to just love their stepchild is unrealistic and creates expectations that won’t be met. I had zero expectations with my stepdaughter. I am not her mom and I knew from the get go our relationship would be very unique.

I don’t love my stepdaughter as my own, it wasn't instant, but now I love her just as much as I love my own. I would do for any of my kids, and although my love was created differently with my stepdaughter it is still oh so special. She gets to chose to love me, share with me, and laugh with me. Nothing is forced between the two of us. I’m very active in my stepdaughter’s life, and although it may be overbearing for some I just can’t help it. I have to show up for her just as I do for my biological children.

I hope my stepdaughter remembers the times where maybe I was a little hard on her. I hope she knows I believe in her and I know she can accomplish more than she even may think she can. I wrote in my wedding vows that I didn’t give her the gift of life, but instead life gave me the gift of her, and I still think that is very true. My stepdaughter, Aleah, has shaped me into the mother I am. She’s the first, the guinea pig, the one who has grown up the most with me. Aleah has seen moments where I may not always get this whole stepmother thing right, but I hope she knows I tried. I look forward to all the special moments we share from laughing to crying. I’m curious about who she will become and it is so exciting to watch her grow. I get to choose to love Aleah and I hope no matter how old she gets she will choose to love me too.

Happy Birthday Aleah, a decade down and you have already changed me more than you will ever know.

Happy Birthday Aleah Grace!