I'm A Liar!

I’ve been caught up in my feelings lately and I’ve been lying a lot. I often look at myself in the mirror and I don’t see the version of me that I was so used to. After having two babies things change, as you get older things change, and when life is so stressful it makes you change. I’ve put all my focus on work and my kids. My goal is to raise kids who are are kind and don’t grow up to be assholes, and honestly that takes a lot of work. I’m sure most other parents have similar goals or feel the pressure to raise kind people. It’s so crazy that we know being kind to others is so important, but we often aren’t kind to ourselves.

I’m sure you’ve been there, waking up to check your phone only to realize you missed an important email or text and now you’re already behind for the day. You go brush your teeth and you criticize yourself because maybe you have a new pimple or a new random hair. Then you go on to get dressed, and damn nothing fits how you expected, so there you go with more criticism of yourself. I’ve been doing that a lot and it really starts to mess with my head. I truly have been doing so much self work and I feel like I took a million steps back the past month. I’ve been lying to myself and it is not okay. I’ve been telling myself I don’t look good enough and that my perseverance to continue to work hard is not worth it. It’s been a domino effect, one lie leads to another. I continue to tell myself things that are not true and it is almost detrimental.

Even more so, I have been angry lately and I’ve been angry over things that I cannot control. I have spent the majority of my life doing what was expected of me and I worked really hard to succeed in the things I do. For once in my life it seems as if every thing I’ve worked hard for is being twisted and turned around to be used against me. This blog is being brought up, my potential future educational plans, my job, and even my money. I have felt attacked for a situation that really should not even include any of those things. It almost planted a seed of doubt in my mind, but that seed was not watered. Initially I was infuriated about this, but thankfully I have been working so hard towards mindfulness. A key thing about mindfulness is to continuously remind yourself you cannot worry or think about things you cannot control. I cannot control others and I cannot change their opinion of me. If my hard work is seen differently to them it does not mean that I am in the wrong. Unfortunately, the flip side of this is I have been incredibly hard on myself because the only thing I am in control of is me. I’m sure I am not the only one who is their own worst critic.

You do not need to tear yourself down, you may be lying to yourself as well and if you are aware you are doing so, that is a good thing. By lying, I mean you may be putting these negative or untrue thoughts into your mind. Becoming aware you may be doing is the key to turning things around. If you are not being kind to yourself, if you are not loving yourself, then you need to take the time to do so. I’m not a pro at this and it is taking lots of effort, but turning my criticism into self love little by little will make the difference. When you wake up today or tomorrow go to the mirror and let yourself know you are a bad bitch, or you are great mother, loving wife, whatever you need to hear let yourself know. I’m on this journey with you and it isn’t easy. However, I do know we can be more kind to ourselves and probably to others too. Don’t let other’s put you down but also do not be putting yourself down either. Focus on the things you can control and be more present in your life. This is where action really takes place. If we stop lying to ourselves and easing our worries then we can really accomplish the goals we have. We are all working to live our best lives, and that’s why I will keep offering support through this platform because even I need it!

What are you telling yourself in the mirror?

I’m saying peace to lying to myself, peace to my haters, peace to the negative thoughts. It is all self love from here!